


Discovering Severus

by Sev1970 (mk_malfoy)



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, past character deaths
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-27
Updated: 2006-03-27
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:40:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_malfoy/pseuds/Sev1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HBP never happened! Harry returns to Hogwarts to teach a few years after the war, but is having a difficult time adjusting. Severus helps him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Discovering Severus

**Title**: Discovering Severus (formerly called Growing Up Is Hard To Do) ****

**Author**: Sev1970/MK Malfoy ****

**Date Written**: March 27, 2006 ****

**Pairing**: SS/HP **Rating**: M

**Warnings**: Mention of past character deaths ****

**Summary**: HBP never happened! Harry returns to Hogwarts to teach a few years after the war, but is having a difficult time adjusting. Severus helps him. ****

**Word Count**: 6447

**Disclaimer**: I do not own any of this. It all belongs to J.K. Rowling, Bloomsbury books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Bros., and any other entities involved.

**A/N**: Thanks to Magdelena for being such a great friend and beta/editor!

~*~

Harry took a shaky breath as he opened the giant gates that would lead him to Hogwarts. The castle stood in all its majesty, just as it always had: holding court over the vast cliff overlooking the lake below. Harry was returning to the only place he had ever felt at peace, and the thought of again sleeping within the old hallowed walls caused him to smile briefly before his expression faltered and returned to its frown. With a sad sigh, he surveyed the grounds surrounding him as he walked up the path leading to the front door.

Such heartache and grief.  Harry swallowed and willed himself to forge ahead.

It had been six years since he finished his seventh year—six years filled with uncertainty.  Harry wished the pervading feeling of overwhelming sadness would begin to ebb, but he knew that was a wish that was unreachable and unrealistic.  If circumstances had been different ...

They hadn't.

Not even a month after leaving Hogwarts, he'd done the expected: he killed Voldemort.

That time in Harry's life should have been spent celebrating with his friends, and exploring options for the rest of his life, but the final battle had tolled an exorbitant price tag, taking as payment, many of Harry's closest friends: Ron, Hermione, Neville, Colin, Luna, and Ginny. Then there were the professors who had been killed: Professors Flitwick, Trelawney (she hadn't predicted her own death, although she had been quite adamant Harry would meet his end that day), Hagrid, and Sinistra. Lastly, there would have been many more deaths had it not been for the Order, and their bravery. Remus had been the first to succumb to a deadly curse, and his death seemed to have been the catalyst for the others that day. It was as if someone had tipped the first domino ...

Harry had been fortunate to escape with his life.

Many others who had done their all to help and prepare Harry, hadn't escaped death, however, a fact Harry had never fully come to terms with, but he did know that as horrible and devestating as those deaths had been to him, that each and every one of them: Shacklebolt; Tonks; Moody; and the two deaths that still haunted Harry to this day, Arthur Weasley and Albus Dumbledore, had met their ends with honour.

Not wishing to dwell on what had happened, Harry shook his head, trying to get the memories of the screams and bloodshed to leave him alone.

He knew they never would.

It had been six years and nothing had improved for him. 

Time heals all wounds was a saying he heard occasionally, but he knew better than to think such a sentiment. 

Harry's nightmares came whenever he slept whether he wanted them to or not, whether he took Dreamless Sleep or not, and whether he exhausted himself for days before giving in to the inevitable, or not.

This was the only aspect of returning that somewhat unnerved him: would his being back at Hogwarts exacerbate the already tumultuous emotional state he was in? He hoped not, but even if things didn't get worse, he doubted his new living arrangements would improve his situation.

"Harry, how good it is to see you. I must say, we never expected you back here at Hogwarts."

Harry wasn't sure how he had missed the approach of his former Transfiguration professor, but he had, and she was now standing directly in front of him. He smiled, as much as he could, and shrugged his shoulders.  "Well, I didn't have much choice as I see it. I'm not much good for anything else but teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts, it seems," said Harry, matter-of-factly. "I don't seem to fit in anywhere else, and as much as I'd like to leave this behind," he added, waving an arm around at the castle, "and forget the memories, I can't. So, here I am," finished Harry, not too sure what to think of Professor McGonagall. He was twenty-three years old, but standing in front of his former professor, whom was now the Headmistress, Harry felt as he had on that first day in the castle all those years ago, waiting to be sorted. The woman knew how to keep order, and Harry felt as if she were studying him.

"Yes, so here you are. Before we enter the castle, I wonder if I might have a word with you, Harry."

Harry furrowed a brow. McGonagall was looking at him strangely, and he wasn't quite sure what to make of it, but whatever the Headmistress had to say, must be important. "Sure."

"I'd rather not be telling you this, but I think it prudent to do so; I think you'll understand why. As you can guess, Severus is none-too-pleased with the knowledge that you will be joining the staff, Harry. As unlikely as it is, I am rather hoping the two of you can somehow come to an understanding this year. Not that I expect the two of you to become friends, mind you; that man allows no one near enough for that to happen. However, I do wish for the two of you to be able to act in a manner befitting the traditions of Hogwarts. I expect nothing but the best from my students, as you well know, and I refuse to allow two of my staff members to be at each other's throats, setting a poor example."

Harry knew McGonagall was being completely serious, but he also knew her request would go unheeded. Harry would do his part to avoid his acerbic and dour former professor; however, he couldn't see himself ever talking amiably with the man – that was asking too much. "You won't have to worry about me as far as he is concerned, Professor. I have no reason to talk to Snape. It won't hurt my feelings if we never speak."

"Oh, very well. I was hoping perhaps the two of you could eventually get past your bitterness, but from your tone of voice, and with his refusal to discuss this with me in a rational manner, I hardly think that is going to be happening. Nevertheless, do not forget what I have said. Our students are to behave, and I expect nothing less from my staff."

"Yes, ma'am." Harry started walking again when Professor McGonagall turned and began her return path to the castle.

~*~

Harry woke with a start, his hair wet with perspiration. Sitting up, he reached for his glasses.  After slipping them on and catching his breath, he stood and grabbed his wand so he could see where he was going. When he entered the sitting room, he lit a fire in the grate. Looking at his arm, he saw the wizarding watch hand pointing to midnight, and groaned. He was beyond exhausted, and knew regardless of whether or not he wanted to, he had to get some sleep, restful or not. The preparations for the approaching term began in eight hours. Harry thought about going to the kitchen to get him a glass of warm milk, but instead sat in front of the fire staring at it, transfixed. Perhaps it would lull him to sleep.

One hour.

Two hours.

Three hours.

Four hours.

Harry finally stood and returned to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, frustrated beyond anything he had previously felt. He was tired, and he felt lost. Why was he here? He had done nothing for six years. Well, that wasn't completely true – he had been Fudge's poster-boy for the war, but other than that, Harry hadn't accomplished anything of worth. He had thought about playing Quidditch once upon a time, but any joy surrounding that had left when Ron died. He had thought about becoming an Auror as he had wanted to do since third or fourth year, but any notion of that had left him when Tonks fell lifeless in front of him, never to get up again. He had thought of becoming Professor Moody's apprentice, so he could one day take over the Defense Against the Dark Arts position, but any thought of that had died along with the man. The fact that he was now doing just that, held no thrill for Harry. He would rather Moody still be here to teach.

_Please, just let me sleep_. Harry fell backwards and stared at the ceiling, then crawled to his pillow and closed his eyes, silently praying for sleep to overtake him.

~*~

Harry sat bleary-eyed at the table, waiting for everyone to arrive. Nibbling on a pastry, he downed a cup of coffee, hoping to awaken himself enough not to completely embarrass himself on his first day. He felt small again, as he had when McGonagall had faced him at the front gate. What was he doing here, anyway? What made him think he could teach the students anything of value? Two weeks – that was all the preparation he was going to have; he knew it would never be enough.

The door banged open and Harry realised he wasn't the only one looking like death. Snape looked worse, if there was such a thing. Harry refused to look directly at the man whom he loathed, but he did follow the path the other took, and was relieved when Snape took a seat opposite him at the other end, although from their vantage points, each had an unobstructed view of the other. Harry wasn't pleased with this, but it wasn't as if he could do anything about it.

Harry sighed audibly and heard the person next to him chuckling as they took their seat. Looking to his left, there was a little man… Binns. _Oh, wonderful.I am stuck in here for eight hours and I am sitting by boring Binns_. The irony wasn't lost on Harry, however. He had wanted nothing other than peace and quiet, and had thus far ended any conversations anyone had tried to begin with him. Now, sitting by a ghost, a rather boring and droning one at that, Harry all of the sudden wanted to talk… needed to talk… thought he might die if he didn't talk.

He looked up when McGonagall cleared her throat.

It wasn't so bad, really: McGonagall handed out parchment after parchment; instructed the staff to look them over and if they had any questions, to ask them, then after what must have been an hour or two, she dismissed them for a break. Harry put down his quill and stood, stretching his tired body. He wished he could go have a lie down and try to sleep, but that wasn't going to happen. He heard the others talking and laughing among themselves and felt out of place. He knew only three people in this room – one, his former Head of House, and current Headmistress; two, his former boring History of Magic professor who seemed intent on getting him to talk now; and three, his former Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts professor, whom he hated, and whom loathed him as well.

Any thought of his notoriety giving him any advantages here was quickly dissipating. Not that he wanted people to treat him differently than they were, because he didn't, but Harry was quickly finding out that being at Hogwarts as a professor wasn't going to be anything like being at Hogwarts as a student. The days spent out on the vast lawns; the days spent by the lake; the days flying effortlessly on the Quidditch Pitch – they were long gone, replaced by…responsibility.

"Mr Potter, it is a pleasure to meet you at long last. When I found out you would be teaching, I couldn't believe my ears, but here you are. Oh, sorry, the name is Finn, Philip Finn."

Harry turned around and smiled as he stuck out his hand towards the other man, who looked nice enough. "Nice to meet you, Mr Finn. Please, call me Harry."

"Will do, Harry. I say, you certainly do seem young; do you think you will be able to keep order?"

Harry, taken aback, was about to respond when he heard someone laugh out, as if mocking what Mr Finn had said.

"Potter, keep order? It is likely, Finn, that his students will have to be taught everything again next year. I guess we should thank Merlin that Potter will only be teaching first years for the next few terms."

Harry glared at Snape, but didn't respond. What good would defending himself be when Snape would only undermine him again and again? Harry sat back down and watched as Snape returned to his seat, and noticed that those black eyes never once left his. It was maddening, and Harry wanted to leave the room, but he couldn't, and he wouldn't. He mightn't want to be here, back at Hogwarts, but he had every right to be here and he wouldn't let Snape bully him into thinking otherwise.

"Don't let him get to you, Harry, he's a bitter old man."

Harry couldn't help the smile, or the laugh as he turned to face the newest addition to the staff, other than himself. "That, Mr Finn, is an understatement if ever I've heard one."

Harry reached over and grabbed another pastry, and ate it while waiting for the meeting to resume. Snape's glare, with the seemingly sole purpose of boring a hole through Harry, was as strong as ever and Harry was beginning to think the man would never take his eyes off him, and it made him uncomfortable.

~*~

Lunch in the Great Hall was more of the same – people trying to start small talk; new staff members (to him) wanting to shake his hand; and one surly and completely childish-acting professor who was doing a very fine job of making Harry's existence as hellish as possible. After taking all he could, Harry reached his limit and couldn't sit any longer acting as if everything were okay. He stood up and barreled out of the Great Hall, then out of the entrance hall, not stopping until he'd reached the giant gates. He sat on the ground and stared back at the now foreboding looking castle.

This was not going at all the way Harry had expected it would. He was back at the place where he had once felt so comfortable, and yet he found himself wanting to go home… wherever that was. Hogwarts wasn't the place he had left six years ago. That day, filled with such expectation and happiness, now seemed only a figment of Harry's imagination. He could still feel the kiss Ron had given him as the two of them stood on the steps of Hogwarts as students for the last time. He could still smell the lilac perfume of Hermione and the peppermint smell of Ginny when they had all hugged before leaving the Great Hall after his last meal at Hogwarts as a student. He could still hear the laughter and warmth in Dumbledore's voice as he sent his students out into the world. He could still taste the treacle tart and hear the laughter as Hagrid wished them luck as they boarded the train.

So many memories… and none of the people Harry had shared those memories with were alive. There was no one else to recall the last words Harry, Ron, or Hermione had spoken to each other that day. He was the lone survivor of the trio. There was no one to remember the look Harry had given Ron out by the lake that day; Harry was the lone survivor of him and Ron, who he thought he would marry one day. He was the lone survivor of seven years of memories.

Harry knew he should return to the castle, but he couldn't. He didn't want to go back. The magic of Hogwarts was no longer there for him, and Harry wasn't sure he could take it. He wanted to think of the happy times.

"It does no one any good to dwell on that which can never be again, Potter."

Harry whipped his head around and glared. Snape had found him.

"So, you've come to drag me back, have you? I didn't know you cared," Harry spat out as venomously as he could.

"Did I say I cared? Funny, I didn't hear myself speaking any such sentiment. Minerva told me to fetch you, and as much as I live to rile your former Head of House, I think perhaps our _Boy-Wonder_ is needed after all; we wouldn't want to upset the students who are expecting to see you here, now would we? Therefore, you_ will _attend the staff meeting this afternoon. I expect you to be there; do not make me return for you. I care little that you are now supposedly my colleague – I will make your life miserable if you cross me, Potter."

Harry watched Snape return to the castle, and thought briefly about turning and fleeing Hogwarts. However, there was nowhere for him to go. He had no choice but to return.

~*~

Harry sat on the sofa, again staring at the fire, a glass of brandy in his hand. Two weeks – he had two weeks of this before the students arrived. Hearing a knock on the door, Harry asked whom it was, and opened it with a point of his wand when McGonagall said it was she.

"Harry, I know you had a difficult day. I wish I could have prepared you; it is never easy to return."

Harry turned his head and looked into McGonagall's eyes, knowing she could see his despair. "Will it ever get easier?"

"It will, Harry, I promise. Hogwarts holds our hearts, child; the children we once were, the teenagers we became; the adults we began to grow into – Hogwarts holds each for eternity. Every soul who has passed through these hallowed halls is a part of Hogwarts. Your friends are here, Harry. They may not be here in physical form, but their laughter and their love are here. You may feel alone, but I assure you, you are not. I am here, Professor Binns is here, and yes, Harry, even Professor Snape is here – we're all here for you if you need to talk. Professor Snape and I know how it feels to return here only to find that what you are searching for is no longer here. If I remember correctly, and I do, Severus had about as difficult a time as you seem to be having. I think he could help you, Harry."

Harry doubted that very much, but appreciated everything else McGonagall had said. He nodded his head and willed the tears to remain hidden. "Thank you, Professor."

"Minerva, Harry. Please call me Minerva."

Harry didn't think he could do that, but he smiled wanly. "I'll try."

"Very good. I'll leave you now, but please do not forget what I have said."

After the door closed, Harry once again looked straight ahead, staring into the fire. He had never felt more alone.

~*~

The remainder of Harry's first week went by much the same. He tried thinking positively, but no matter, he was miserable. He missed his freedom – waking up and doing as he pleased, even if that consisted of doing nothing productive. At least then, he had felt as if he mattered. He thought it likely that he could disappear from the castle and no one would miss his absence.

Harry spent his days going through the motions, with him smiling occasionally so not everyone thought he had completely withdrawn, but in the privacy of his rooms, Harry despaired over his loneliness. He was tempted to owl Bill, Charlie, Fred or George, but they, along with Mrs Weasley had tried talking him out of teaching in the first place, saying he wasn't ready. Harry had wanted so much to prove them wrong, to show them that he was able to be more than a poster boy for killing Dark Lords, but perhaps they had been right all along – perhaps he didn't have what it took to teach.

Harry's musings ceased when he heard someone banging on his door.

"Who is it?"

"Snape. Open up, Potter."

Harry felt like doing nothing of the sort, but he relented; it's not as if he had much choice in the matter. Snape would corner him in the morning if he wasn't allowed his say tonight. Harry pointed his wand at the door and it opened. "Might as well come in."

"I'm touched… really."

Harry stared up at the man now towering over him. "What do you want?"

"Hm, let's see. What I want is to never have to see your sulking pathetic face again, but since that is not a likely scenario, I'll settle for wanting to rid you of the notion that Hogwarts can never be your home again."

Harry opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. There hadn't been any derision in his former professor's voice – no malice of any kind. In fact, Snape had sounded almost nice as he spoke, even the comment about not seeing his face. Harry was somewhat intrigued. "Why would you want to do that?" Harry asked, defensively, as he watched Snape sit in a chair by the fire.

"Do you think you are the only person who has lost friends, Potter? Well, you are most certainly not. I, too, returned to Hogwarts a few friends less. Yes, the circumstances of my return were different from yours, but the results were the same. I found myself returning to a place I had once considered a safe haven; a place I had found a few close friends. One of those friends ended up not being a true friend at all, but two were, Potter – they were the best friends I could have asked for. One of them died three years after I left Hogwarts; he was younger, but in many ways, he was very much like me. There was nothing I could do to save him. The other one of them and I left Hogwarts at the same time. Our paths were different, but we each had dreams. Then four years – four years and four months later, her dreams died. Two months later, I found myself back here at Hogwarts, and the ghosts wouldn't leave me alone. I was haunted as I walked the corridors, and it was as though I would never be happy again. I kept wishing things to be as they had been four years earlier, but that served only to cause me to sink further into depression. I see that you are doing the same, Potter, and I will not stand for it."

Harry wasn't sure what to say; he hadn't expected his former professor to be quite so open with him. When Snape was talking about his two friends who had died, Harry could tell that Snape had just as much pain in his past as him it seemed. "So, that's why you hate me then? Because my mum was your friend?"

"My, my, Potter, you do have deductive reasoning; what a shock. I think perhaps the fact that your mother and I were close, and the fact that your mother died saving your life had quite a bit to do with my disdainful attitude towards you, yes. I will not apologise."

Harry shrugged his shoulders. "So, you're okay here now? You think of Hogwarts as your home? How?" Harry was genuinely curious, and he wasn't trying to be smart at all. He only wanted to understand.

"In the order you asked. No, I am not okay here, Potter. Hogwarts has a hold over me I will never be able to rid myself of. Yes, I think of Hogwarts as my home: It is the only place I am welcome. You ask how? Well, it is not as simple as this, but I think the easy way to answer would be to say that I grew up and learned to face reality. At some point, you have to let the past go – don't forget it, and don't put it out of your mind, but let it go. Let it be free to come and go, as it should. Don't hold onto it. If you refuse to do this, if you insist on living in the past, then you will never be allowed to move forward, Mr Potter."

This was a bit scary, Harry thought. The man was making sense, and even more frightening, he was speaking almost soothingly, as Molly had done after Ron's and Hermione's death, even though she herself was grieving at the time. Harry found himself feeling sorry for the man sitting across from him – he looked as lost as Harry felt.

"So, I need to grow up then? I thought I had. You're going to say I'm stupid for asking, but how exactly do I do that?" Harry was half-serious, but there was also the slightest hint of sarcasm in his voice. It was rather humorous that Snape was telling Harry to grow up.

"You have already taken the first step. You came to Hogwarts against the advice of the only family you have. That took courage, and fortitude. You are young and naïve; I was once classified the same. It will pass, and when it does, you'll find yourself grown up."

Now, Harry couldn't help but let a small remark escape – this was Snape, after all. "And when did you grow up? When I left? Er, sorry, I couldn't help it," Harry added, feigning innocence with a coy smirk.

"No apologies necessary. At times, I find myself wondering if I am as grown up as others think me to be, but when I watched Albus die that day, I had no choice but to grow up. I was thirty-eight years old, and there was no longer anyone to tell me what to do."

Harry nodded and took a shaky breath. This was becoming eerie. He didn't want to be having this conversation, especially with Snape, but try as he may, he couldn't help but continue it. "I don't want to let go, Professor. I can't let them go." Harry knew he was pleading with his eyes, but he couldn't help it. He ached inside from the absence of his friends, especially from his lover, and the thought of letting Ron go was too much.

"You're living in a reality that no longer exists, Potter, and as long as you remain a seventeen year old happy-go-lucky teenager, you'll never find any happiness. Trust me. I know what happens when you allow the past to consume you."

~*~

Harry's second week wasn't much different from his first. He was still standoffish in the staff meetings and he still brooded when left alone. However, each evening he _was forced_ to talk to Snape, and each time the man stood to leave, Harry felt a bit better than he had when their talk had begun.

Classes began and Harry managed to gain his students' respect, but he had no faith that he could keep it. He knew once his students saw past the fame, they would see nothing but a scared person, and would then take advantage of that. It gave Harry no pleasure to think that was probably what Snape had thought all those years ago as well.

Harry and Snape continued their nightly meetings for two months before Harry asked Snape to call him Harry.

Harry and Snape continued their nightly meetings for two _more_ months before Snape finally asked Harry to call him Severus.

~*~

The Christmas feast had been just as grand as it had always been when Harry was a student, and he had eaten far more than he should have, but it felt good to be among friends, and he did think of his colleagues as friends now. Not close friends – he would never allow himself to have any close acquaintances again, but they were slowly becoming his friends, nonetheless.

Harry excused himself and retired to his room, and on schedule, same as every night before, Severus showed up, the only difference this time being the bottle of wine and two glasses he brought with him.

"You look happy, Harry."

Harry smiled: he was happy. "I am happy, Severus."

Severus joined Harry by the window and looked out at the snow-covered grounds. "Happy Christmas, Harry."

Harry turned towards Severus. "Happy Christmas, Severus." Harry continued to smile at the man who made him happy… the only man who made him happy now. It had been a long four months, and more than a few shouting matches had taken place between the two, the majority of them about trivial and insignificant things, but when all was said and done, it was Severus who kept Harry sane, and it was Severus whom Harry counted on.

When Harry thought he perhaps had built the courage, he spoke, voice shaking. "I'm ready to let go of the past, Severus, and I want to start living in the here and now. I want to be in the present with you." That had taken every bit of courage Harry possessed, and he felt weak in the knees, and knew his face was probably pale.

Severus smiled and nodded. "I'm ready to let go of my past as well, Harry, and I want to be with you, only with you."

~*~

Six months and two terms later, Severus and Harry stood at the window in Harry's sitting room, arm in arm, watching the birds fly around, and listening to them chirping. It had been a long ten months since the two had begun their tentative meetings, and both men knew their futures would not be easy, but they also knew they had found in Hogwarts something that would never leave them: faith in themselves and faith in each other. Harry and Severus had forged between them a bond that no one dared try to break, and it was rare that one made an appearance without the other. It really was as if they depended on each other for their very existence to continue.

That night Severus invited Harry to his rooms, and after dinner for two, asked Harry to stay the night. They then made love for the first time, and they both knew this was where they were supposed to be… they were at Hogwarts, their home – together.

Lying half on Severus's chest, Harry's feet played with the hair on Severus's legs, and his fingertips traced circles around one of the nipples resting near his head. He smiled and looked up at Severus, who moaned as he moved his finger to the other nipple. Harry was content and happy. He hoped Severus was, but one could never tell with him. "Can I ask you a question, Severus?"

"I don't know, can you?"

Harry twisted the nipple he was stroking. "Prat."

"Well, if you insist on asking inane questions, I'll have to insist on replying with equally inane answers."

Harry rolled his eyes as he lowered his head and licked the erect nipple. "_May_ I ask a question?"

"You may."

"There's a picture in your sitting room of you and some bloke. He looks like Sirius, but we both know it wasn't him. Is it Regulus in the picture?"

"'You had to ask that, didn't you?"

"If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay. I was just curious." Harry lifted his head as he felt Severus's arms wrap around him tighter.

"Yes, that picture is of Regulus and me; it was taken a week before he died."

"I'm sorry, Severus."

"Don't be. You and I both know the sorrow that comes with losing those we love. But because we loved before, we can love again."

"We can love each other." Harry lifted himself and leant in to kiss Severus and found himself lying beneath his lover in less than a second. Harry saw the look in the black eyes above him, and knew this time would be slow and methodical, everything their first time, not even half an hour earlier, hadn't been. Severus, not being able to restrain himself, had insisted on taking Harry from behind, and although he had been much rougher than he had intended, or so he had told his sated lover minutes after their orgasms had hit, Harry knew that he had been the one yelling for Severus to make it harder and faster. Harry now saw the want and need, and his breath sped up, knowing he was the one Severus wanted. He couldn't wait to see Severus's eyes as they connected.

Harry gasped when Severus entered him with his finger, then fingers, and arched his back off the bed trying to make Severus go deeper. "More, Severus." Almost immediately, Harry felt three fingers entering him, and he felt a bit more satisfied, but not as much as he wanted to be. "I'm ready, Severus," Harry panted.

Harry looked at Severus, begging with his eyes, as his lower half was lifted, and seconds later, as he was lowered onto a couple of pillows, giving Severus easier access. Then Harry's breathing quickened when he watched Severus coat his penis with lubricant, knowing in a few seconds, that erect cock would be buried inside of him, making him writhe.

"Are you ready, Harry?"

"Yes, please," said Harry as he watched Severus point his wand at both of them, chanting words under his breath.

"As you wish."

Harry felt and saw the tip of Severus's cock as it entered him, and he felt it pushing its way through the loosened hole, sliding a bit more easily with each passing second. Then he felt Severus's balls touching him, and felt as Severus stilled, presumably trying to get in a better position.

"Move, please." Harry basked in the feeling of having Severus inside him, and looked into the dark eyes mere inches from his, loving the feeling of being loved. After a long and passion-filled kiss, Harry nodded his readiness to Severus. "It's really okay, please move… now."

The feelings Harry experienced as he watched Severus lift out and push back inside of him were indescribable: It felt wonderful. Every nerve in his body was on fire, and he felt more alive than he ever had. If there were a better and more satisfying feeling than having an orgasm with someone inside of you, after they had made your body feel things it had never felt before, Harry couldn't think of what that could possibly be. Satisfying as the physical sensations were, the emotional component of his connection with Severus was what was currently causing Harry to feel completely euphoric. He couldn't explain this feeling; it defied explanation, but he knew what he felt, and never wanted to be without it again.

Then Harry bucked his hips into the air as his cock was taken by Severus's slick hand and caressed. That, together with the quickening of Severus's thrusts, sent Harry into his orgasm, and he began shaking uncontrollably. Spasm after spasm ripped through his body, and then he felt as Severus filled him, and saw Severus's body convulsing.

After the two calmed down and were lying beside each other, Harry whistled and grinned as he threw a leg over Severus, making contact with Severus's still sensitive penis. "Er, sorry," Harry said coyly as he heard Severus gasp. "That was good, Severus. That was really good."

"It was merely good? I would think the _Golden Child_ of Albus Dumbledore wouldn't have been satisfied unless it had been exceptional."

Harry smiled and leant over to kiss Severus on the nose. "_Your Golden Child_ is quite satisfied, Severus. It defies definition how good it was."

"More like you can't think of a word to use is what I am thinking."

"Prat."

~*~

A year later, the two stood again at the window in his quarters, Harry standing in Severus's embrace, looking at the man he loved, tears in his eyes as the other slowly knelt before him.

"Harry James Potter, will you honour me by bonding with me for life, for eternity?"

Harry allowed his tears to finally fall. "Yes, Severus Tobias Snape, I will honour you by bonding with you for life, for eternity. How could I not when you honour me by asking me?"

~*~

Two months later, the two stood in the Headmistress's office, exchanging vows and rings. After the ceremony was over, when their friends had gathered back in Harry and Severus's new joint quarters, Harry found himself in the middle of a huge hug with red hair.

"So, Harry, mate, I wasn't good enough for you, eh? Had to go find Snarky Snape, instead."

Harry knew Charlie was only teasing him. "Yep, that's what I did. Besides, you and I would never have worked. You know Ron would have never let me live it down had I gotten together with his brother."

"Right you are. My brother was so in love with you, Harry, and I know he is smiling right now, knowing you are happy, even if it is with Snape."

Harry felt arms wrapping around him, and leant back into the warmth that was his husband and joined his hands with the larger ones as he continued his conversation with Charlie. "Ron really would be happy for us, I know he would."

Harry and Severus visited with the Weasleys a while longer, then the family left, leaving only Severus and Harry. They sat on the sofa and Harry crawled into Severus's lap, burrowing himself into the layered robes. "I love you, Severus. Thank you for saving me. I don't know what I would've done had you not come and talked to me all those nights."

Severus smiled down at Harry's head that was propped just under his chin. "It is quite possible that you saved me just as much as I saved you, Harry. It wasn't until I saw you struggling with your own emotions that I discovered how much I still had to let go of. There you were, this young and scared reminder of what all I had lost. It took me time to realise it, of course, but eventually it occurred to me that your mother had left me with the best of her. I know she hardly had anything to do with you and me getting together, but because of her, I met you and was able to eventually get to know the real you. That knowledge allowed me to let go of my past animosity towards you. You had been a constant reminder of what could never be for so many years, but now you are my constant reminder of what could never have been if I hadn't let go of my past grief. I can't imagine life without you."

Harry felt a kiss pressed to his head, and grinned as he raised himself up so he was on his knees, straddling Severus as he wrapped his arms around the man he loved more than life. "I think I've grown up now."

~*~

The End


End file.
